Entries for August, 2005
August 2nd, 2005
let it all begin... AGAIN!!! POSTED AT 11:32 PM i found my self dribling around the living room down stairs a while ago... then a great though came into my mind... BASKETBALL... the ultimate stress relief. its been a while since i last played alone, and still, its the perfect get away from all the troubles of life. i can do anything i want to. i can shoot from way down town, or rip the neighbors ring off with emphatic dunks! argh! all the anger, hatred, stress and frustration came out off my body... but as i came back in... i realized, was that enough to get me going again. im pretty sure it is... pretty pretty sure. tomorrow, im leaving early for school, i have to prepare for the math quiz on thursday. i have a lot of catching up to do, i may not be able to catch up, but atleast im trying to understand the lessons. whoo... hmmm.. before the basketball thing, me and my dad were into a fued of our own. he was telling me, he saw my "ball of shit" which was my crumpled quiz paper in math. great, it was really meant to be crumpled, having a grade of 30. argh!!! so there... he told me i wasnt studying hard enough. my mom was just looking at us, because she already knows what situation im in. then i had to reason out to my dad that i am studying, even staying till late at night just to study for stupid tests... man. what else will the world give me? "everybody is doubting me... are you one of them?" im ready to prove you wrong!!! Listening to: i dont wanna be-gavin degraw Feeling: weird do you care?
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August 5th, 2005
and it all ends with a bang... POSTED AT 10:02 AM the war is over. all hope is lost. i prepared so hard for a war, i
though i would be able to win... but hell no! it was just too much of
an obstacle for me. sooooooo.... see you in adjustment week? or worse,
see you in another school. this is bad, and its really getting out of
hand. people are helping me... but their slowly losing hope for me too.
i dont know why. was i destined to suffer this lowly and misserable
life? why me? why not somebody else who's life is worth throwing away.
i have dreams for me in the future. dreams i would like to reach. but
where i am now, i couldnt even see one... its all too dark for me right
now. my life is a shitload of problems. so whats up? nevermind. i was
up to the challenge.. i am still up to it. but with where i am right
now, everything i do seems to backfire on me. God! help me. i am
without hope. jeez! Feeling: worried |
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August 6th, 2005
living the night life... POSTED AT 12:59 PM |
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August 7th, 2005
August 11th, 2005
its all coming down on me. POSTED AT 12:55 AM great... school work. the pressure is on. so this is where the archers got their feared, full court press. great. but i can handle this... what about other things... like... the person i love the most, leaving for a foreign country in a matter of months. pleaseee... this is too much. God is taking everything away from me. now he's taking away the person i treasure the most. great. what can i do, this is destiny... i hope i can do something about it. check this... *monique=life+inspiration+love-worries-stress+will to keep me going+support+love(again* so if she leaves, everything goes along with her. i cant take this. this is way too much. things are really getting out of hand. if only i can show her how much she means to me. and how much i get hurt at the thought of her leaving. i read on her tabulas, that her blockmates were even the people worried most about her going. and me, (i knew that part was for me) it seems like i dont care about her... here's a part of what she wrote. i knew this one was for me the moment i saw it. "just plain too busy with school work to care that the days are passing by and pretty soon ill be gone. or, just too darn happy and satisfied with new found friends to (admit it or not) feel sad about leaving me." now if thats what you think, then im sorry. now i feel more useless then ever. great. what hurts more than your own girlfriend doubting you? i dont know what to say... i cant believe it. she's doubting me. kelan pa nga ba sya nagkaron ng tiwala sakin? blockmate ko nga, pinagkakamalang babae ko eh. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. shit. this sucks. it all sucks. i cant believe whats happening to me right now. its like getting stabbed right in the heart, shot in the head, and fall from a 100 storey building at the same time. OUCH! so im sorry for whatever things i've done to you. i guess this is one of the entries wherein i have to apologize for everything i've done. sorry for everything monique. alam ko, wla akong kwenta. so there you go... i still cant believe it. im teary eyed now. i hafta go.jee whiz! this is really great. di nanaman ako mkakatulog sa kakaisip. Feeling: shocked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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August 14th, 2005
finals week... here i come! POSTED AT 11:31 AM in a matter of days, finals week would be slapping the shit out of every lasallian. finals week starts on the 21st. thats a sunday. here's my always shitty schedule as of today. the 14th of august. aug 15 math quiz aug 16-17 submission of final proj in filipino (finals grade) aug 22 math finals(DEAD!) aug 23 intprog finals (DEAD!); passing of intprog project aug 24 intrict finals dates i havent mentioned inbetween the 15th to the 25th are going to be used to study, do the stupid intprog project which is oh,full of shit. and study again. the fucking intprog project is soooo damn hard. i've done something already. like the menu. but i have no idea on what to do with it! this sucks. bigtime! argh. now i have to go on and try to figure out what that java address book is all about. all i can say is, its not for me. that sucks!!!! so this is what college has to offer. darn!
Listening to: higher-soapdish Feeling: frustrated |
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August 14th, 2005
tralalalala! POSTED AT 12:02 PM maaraw ngayon,at humigit kumulang,isang oras na akong naka-harap sa aking "tala-pindutan"(tagalog daw yan ng computer sabi ni miss armi) habang aking pinagttiyagaan ang walang katapusang mundo ng java. tila baga ako'y isang batang bagong panganak, walang alam sa mundo. tuliro na ako sa kakatitig sa magiting kong talapindutan, na kahit ano yata ang kinaganda niya ay hindi ako maililigtas sa kamay ng mga mapanaping guro ng unibersidad. oo, mapang-api, mapanakit at tila mga berdugo ang mga guro sa la salle. wala silang patawad. walang kinikilingan, walang pinoprotektahan. serbisyong totoo lamang. bagay nga sakanila ito. pero bakit ba kailangan pa gawing napaka lupit ng mga nilalang na ito? hindi bat sapat na ang mahirap na kursong aking kinuha? ako'y nasa isang gubat ngayon, naliligaw, naghahanap ng daan palabas. saan ba ako dapat pumaroon? tama ba ang landas na aking tinatahak. ano ba ang meron sa dulo ng walang katapusang paglalakbay na ito. tagumpay o tiyak na kapahamakan? kung ano man sa dalawa'y wala na akong pakielam. ang iniisip ko na lamang ay ang mga nangyayari ngayon, dahil dito ko malalaman kung saan tumutungo ang aking makulay na buhay. saan ba ako paroroon?? Feeling: sore |
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August 14th, 2005
tadaan! POSTED AT 12:05 PM "slow down... and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you." Feeling: is this good or bad? |
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August 14th, 2005
HAHAHA! POSTED AT 11:58 PM while i was browsing through my friends list in friendster... then i saw the... pinaka tagalog insult i've read. hahahaha! solid to. "p***ngina, para kang hunyangong natuklaw ng garapatang sinlaki ng elepante!!!" hahahaha! sabi sayo solid eh. hahahaha! Feeling: laughtrip magisa. baliw! |
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August 15th, 2005
october people... POSTED AT 09:46 PM OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly.Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart. SUPER HANDSOME. true true... almost. except for the EXTREMELY SMART part. maybe im just doubting it... maybe, i am or we are extremely smart. or maybe i've gone too far off the chart, and came back to plain stupid. hahaha! this sucks. i think i just failed another test in math a while ago. oh well. here we go again. hahaha. Feeling: silly |
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August 16th, 2005
pain redefined POSTED AT 12:14 AM
and if you think it feels alright. dont let it pass you by. just think of a way then try. and if it feels so good inside. you better stay.. stay away... from the light that cannot shine. you'll fall between the lines. its all the same. pain redefined. college life... again.here i go again. whining about everything that comes my way. i cannot control my self. whats happening right now is far too much for a sixteen year old to handle. can i still go the distance? these questions i ask to my self. am i still willing to do the distance, ofcourse i am. but can i? i
suddenly missed my not so far memories of highschool. highschool
days... malling, basketball, games, lots of activities... and i can
keep up without studying that much. jeez. so young, yet so old. im too
young for college, yet too old for highschool. anyway... i have to move
on. i know its hard, but i must. school sucks. i dont know why. jeez. "naranasan
mo na bang masaktan dahil bumagsak ka sa exam? naranasan mo na bang
umasa dahil akala mo papasa ka? naranasan mo na bang mabigo kahit na
nag aral ka ng todo? sayang... NATULOG KA NA LANG SANA." Listening to: PAIN REDEFINED - SOAPDISH Feeling: worried |
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August 16th, 2005
ang malufet na hagupit ng life. POSTED AT 12:36 AM eto na ata ang pinakamahirap na buwan sa aking buhay studyante. next week finals na... hello satanas!!! haaaaaaaaaay... lufet talaga ng hagufit ng life. bobo ko talaga! para akong hunyangong tinuklaw ng garapatang sinlaki ng elepante! mahirap man ang buhay, pagtawa'y di dapat kaligtaan. smile all day long. kahit mukha ka nang tanga. definition of stress: when the body can no longer fight the urge to choke the living shit out of some asshole who really deserves it. (in my case. my teachers! haha!) Feeling: blank |
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August 17th, 2005
3am na... POSTED AT 03:02 AM |
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August 17th, 2005
all efforts put to waste.. POSTED AT 10:47 PM haaaaaaaaaaay. pissed off, and still i am to blame. this all sucks. life hasnt given me a glimpse of happiness. what would you feel, if you've been waiting for an hour or so, in a place thats like a ten minute walk away from somewhere? matagal na siguro ang thirty minutes galing moro hanggang mcdo. tapos, this all happens when you're already beat up and tired... tired because of school, beat up by all the people crowding that god damned train! then, somebody asks you to go home. perfect. haaaaaaaaaaaay. this is not my day folks. this is something worth forgetting. everything sucks. i knew that this day would stink the very minute i woke up this morning. shit. all i want to do right now is pray, cry and ask God for his forgiveness, i cant think of anything i've done to deserve this kind of shit. Feeling: tired |
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August 18th, 2005
prayers are the answers. POSTED AT 11:14 PM |
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August 21st, 2005
love and despair POSTED AT 11:28 AM this past few days have been hell on earth for me. i havent had much sleep because its already finals week tomorrow. i've been living a life full of shit. this sucks. but to top it all of, the person whom i think would understand how i feel about all these stuff just turned her back on me. i know i havent been all that good to her, how can i be, im trying to prioritize her, along with my studies. i've done stuff that made me look stupid, but i dont really care that much. its ok, its all for her anyway... id do anything for her. but she just couldnt understand me. i try to tell her things that i feel, then she'll suddenly get mad at me. turning the tables, AGAIN! its always been my fault since the start, when something happens, im always the one to blame. its ok, ill just take everything... even if it hurts so much... time out daw... sige, maybe she's to busy with her studies, and someone else. i just hope the second part isnt true. ok, so she's busy with her studies... and she hates me. ok, now thats much better. maybe she's already found someone worth talking to, worth sharing her problems with. i dont know... i hope all of these arent true.. so here i go again... thinking of her. i cant get her out of my head. i dont know why... this sucks... really now, it does. "i can hide the obnoxious feeling, i can show everyone im okay and i can make it. but i cant hide the thought that the person who made me go through all the pain and suffering is the same person my heart beats for everyday..."
Feeling: crushed |
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August 22nd, 2005
almost there... just a little bit more! POSTED AT 01:49 AM |
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August 24th, 2005
finally, the bleeding has stopped. POSTED AT 12:22 AM i've waited so long for this moment. but how come im not satisfied? lasalle's term break is out of sink from other schools. here i am, not doing anything, while my friends are studying. dang! anyway... i better enjoy this break. then back to school after 3 weeks. jeeeez! i hope i pass the tests i took yesterday and a while ago. hmmmm... i hope. i just hope. they were difficult. i tell you. im not that genuis who thinks everything is easy, basketball nalang kami nung henyo na yun, tignan natin!!! wag lang si chris tui makaharap ko. hehehe.
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
term break. great! walang magawa for three weeks. basketball lang with
the lsal team. haaaaaay.. i need rest. =p Feeling: tired |
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August 24th, 2005
... POSTED AT 02:15 AM I blame you for being what you are I blame you for what i'm going through right now I'm sorry if these words don't come out right I'm sorry now that i don't have anyone to blame Yeah i did everything i could just to make say i would do anything for you And i want to say you're mine But you came to me just fine but you threw it all away I open my eyes while dreaming And my visions of you start fading I hope that you wouldn't stop believing Wait up 'coz my horizons are changing So you bring the facts of life to me That you come to make me see everything's gonna be alright Never thought you would've realize Part of me is confusing our lives With the feelings i've got from you Listening to: the ordertaker - parokya ni edgar Feeling: scared |
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August 25th, 2005
dot dot dot POSTED AT 12:36 AM brrrrrrrrrrrr.... its so friggin'
COLD out here. you know what i mean. just like being left outside the house on a cold winter night. thats how it feels. wake me up, when september ends. because its october already. a lot of things would happen when september ends. and when i say a lot, i mean A LOT!!! not only will i be celebrating my 17th birthday. it would be the most devastating month of my entire human life. i think. jeeeeeeeeez. Feeling: rejected |
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August 25th, 2005
haaaaaaaaay... buhay. POSTED AT 01:57 PM |
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August 25th, 2005
how i miss these... POSTED AT 08:40 PM 1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo 2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder 3. How cute they look when they sleep 4.The ease in which they fit into our arms 5.The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world 6. How cute they are when they eat 7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while 8.Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside 9. The way they look good no matter what they wear 10.The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth 11. How cute they are when they argue 12. The way her hand always finds yours 13. The way they smile 14. The way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after you just had a big fight 15. The way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know that an hour later.... 16. The way they kiss when you do something nice for them 17. The way they kiss you > > when you say "I love you" 18. Actually ... just the way they kiss you... 19. The way they fall into your arms when they cry 20. Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly 21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt 22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt. (even though we don't admit it)! 23. The way they say "I miss you" 24. The way you miss them 25. The way their tears make you want to test if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them ...it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound,you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. Guys love girls for a million reasons, No paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart. A feeling. Only felt. |
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August 26th, 2005
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaay... POSTED AT 08:51 PM ayan, bought my self new shoes. size 12 na adidas sneakers. wala kasing big size nung nike sneaks na gusto ko eh. 10 ung biggest. how stupid. hahaha! laki kasi masyado ng paa eh. tapos, nag watch kami ng the longest yard, hindi naman natapos. nyehehe. seems like everything is getting worse. walang imikan. wont even hold my hand. what can i do.... haaaaaaaaay. i still love her anyway. always had, always will. |
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August 27th, 2005
how does it feel to be lied in the face? POSTED AT 10:34 PM when somebody lies in your face, how do you feel? huh? tsssssssss. i cant say anything. im just gonna let this day pass me by. goodnight dickheads and bitches! chill.
this pain is just an illusion. |
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August 28th, 2005
in your face. POSTED AT 12:39 AM so all is not going well. this week has been rather shitty. so start it with tests from hell. yeah, i hope i pass those friggin exams. so thats already two counts, because, its algtrig and intprog. so... stupidity count: 2 next up is the super boring week. i've been doing nothing productive since tuesday afternoon. just playing ball in the afternoon. yeah. this isnt good. stupidity count: 3 i bought a new pair of shoes. i dont regret it, but. basta, i just want to put it here. stupidity count: 4 next up, all the news slapping me right smack in the face. lies flying around. and one just hit me. thanks to a good friend, i just found out where she is and what shes been doing. so it was slightly off the mark of what she was telling me. there you go. and she even asked me who won! hahaha! great. what were you doing there? sleeping? haha. supidity count for me: 20
there. so i think i have to do some research. how do i bring back the old her. the sweet and caring her. help me. im blank right now. i dont know what to do. im downright pissed off. so there we go. the weekly stupidity count. more to come next week. bye.
this pain is just an illusion. Feeling: shocked |
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August 28th, 2005
... POSTED AT 03:37 PM |
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August 29th, 2005
nako... POSTED AT 10:58 AM so... not entirely a good week for me. havent had the best of days. whoooo. no classes today, for other schools that is. so... tried calling up monique a while ago, she's still sleeping. i wonder when things will be alright. im looking forward to it. hmmm... had a conversation with a friend last night. she told me that i shouldnt be frustrated at whats hapening to me and that i should just be patient. well, thats what im trying to do. im just here, waiting for things to come my way. im still here for her. no matter how ugly the situation is. im still here. just waiting for her to call for help. she's stonecold right now. wouldnt even let me see through her so i could share the burden with her. she wont tell me whats happening. she would even lie to me now. i know it hurts. but its ok. if thats what makes her happy...
this pain is just an illusion. Feeling: gloomy |
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August 30th, 2005
grade update POSTED AT 06:50 PM hmmm.. so far, so good. i get a 1.5 for intrict, which is kinda low... but who cares? i passed the friggin subject. a 2.5 in filipino wasnt that bad. what hurt was i didnt get the +0.5 for perfect attendance. why? i got sent out by the teacher. well, thats just badluck for me... hmmm. i was too lazy to get my p.e course card. but... abby was kind enough to do it for me. i just got news that i got a 4.0 for p.e. that was ping pong man! yeah! hard to believe, but she was pretty sure i got one. well, this isnt final yet, i have to see for myself first. tomorrow, i get the programming and algtrig grades. goodluck boy!
this pain is just an illusion. Feeling: satisfied |
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August 30th, 2005
. . . POSTED AT 06:53 PM "at night i find myself thinking... could i be someone better? someone with a greater drive for excellence? someone, my parents could be proud of? well... i just let the thought go and drown my self to sleep." |
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August 31st, 2005
first term of hell. POSTED AT 04:45 PM de la salle university... the school faster than satan just let the students know in what position they are in the damn school. so guess what? i got my grades. here's my grades. i hope they wont make you puke. so, highest to lowest. PE- 4.0(wow!) ORIENT1- passed, probably a 4.0 FILIPI1(filipino)- 2.5 (good enough for being a host of a talk show.) INTRICT(intro to information and communication technology)- 1.5( hang in there. you almost failed the friggin subject.) INTPRG(intro to programming. the dreaded subject. JAVA) - 1.5 ( whoa. i cant believe i would even pass the damn subject!) ALGTRIG(algebra and trigonometry)- 0.0 (i failed. happy?) so having passed the fucking intprog subject, while on the other hand failing algtrig balances everything. im not happy, nor am i that sad. just sad. not really really sad. ya feel? passing intprog gave me a sensation i never felt before. finally, i have something to prove that i did my best, and guess what? i passed! that 1.5 means so much to me. it represents the blood and sweat that went out of my body just to be able to pass that subject. so its really rewarding, i must say. but then, algtrig was no good. i needed a 90 to get a 1.0, i studied, yes, i tried my best. but my best wasnt good enough. atleast, i know i tried my best. well, im taking up algtrig again next term. so,,, goodluck to me. im going to try to get a 3.0 or above grade this time. i know God would help me. i know... so
this is it for now. chill. i have a long week ahead of me. enrollment,
adjustment, payment, jeeeez. DL nga pala ako... ehem. haha!
this pain is just an illusion. Feeling: satisfied |
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I BADLY NEED TO GET IN THIS PLACE.
OH IM SO BLOODY... JESUS CHRIST.August 31st, 2005
POSTED AT 09:47 PM in the s p a c e we've agreed to grant each other i feel like an astronaut spinning out of orbit committing wishes to stars maybe oneday the gravity of your love will pull me back to earth Reading: this poem by reena jacinto |
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August 31st, 2005
just a smile. POSTED AT 10:23 PM
every time i smile, i hope you're watching. not so you'll see me happy. but maybe, just maybe.... you'll fall for my smile, as hard as i fell for yours. |
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